I must blog!

Last night I found out that a man that I dated from March to September is now engaged to someone else.  Barely 4 months later. I'm trying to understand that.  He supposedly loved me and not only was he dating someone new just a month after we broke up but now he's engaged???  This on top of finding out via Facebook that my ex-husband is engaged to a woman on another continent, which completely blows my mind, because 16+ years ago he told her to "F**K OFF" when she told him she was pregnant with his child and has had nothing to do with this girl.  Now the kid lives with him, while mommy is still in another country and they are getting married??  I just don't get it. For the love of all that is good in the world, am I so hideous that I can't even be taken to freaking dinner???

Now, onto the fact that, during the jaunts around the world, my children's father has gotten over 2 months behind on child support and gives me attitude like I am in the wrong, when I ask about it.  FOR THE LOVE OF FREAKING GOD, I am raising OUR kids on MY own...I ask him for nothing except to pay me what our divorce decree says he's required to pay and I'm sure if he could find a way around that he would.  He rarely contacts them.  Then he gets on his high horse and tells me I shouldn't allow my kids to have artificial sweetener and that they shouldn't have to say "yes ma'am/sir, no ma'am/sir"???  I mean really??  Has he even got an ounce of right to tell me how to raise the kids when he abandoned them over a year ago?  He cares more for the child he didn't want then the ones that really need him now.  But it's the pussy he really cares about...the mother.  I'm just so damn frustrated that he has the nerve to get attitude with me when I question when he will be paying his child support.  Plus, how am I supposed to accept that he doesn't have the money to pay for the support of his children, when he takes time off from a brand new job, to go gallivanting across the planet???

However, last night as we sat down to eat our dinner, my daughter said the blessing, which included thanking God for the meal, her "wonderful" mommy, brother, dogs and house.  But no mention of the father.  Mark that as a small victory for the good guy, me.

Being a single mother I feel, quite often, as if I'm alone in the world.  Not alone, like by myself, but alone like I have the weight of the world, and the proper upbringing of my children, on my shoulders.

Of course, I have wonderful friends that help as much as they can, and I'd be lost without them, but in the everyday hustle and bustle, it sometimes feels as if I am drowning in the chaos.  I often wonder why I was given the overwhelming responsibility of raising two children and bringing them up to be productive members of society.

But, today, I saw that I am not completely alone.  I got a call today from the father of one of my best friends in the world and he wants to include my son in their annual father/son night at the motocross.  I learned today, that, although I have been given a huge undertaking, I am certainly, not alone. And that there are people in our lives that want my kids to grow up exactly as they should...with the love of a very strong family.

Apparently Hillary Clinton was right...it does take a village to raise a child.

Sports

Look, mom!  It's Papa Smurf!!!  I wanna be just like him when I grow up!  NOT!

Why do people get so obsessive about sports?  I mean I've recently taken an interest in baseball, but do I ever think I will become like this fool, doubtful.

Here's my beef.  People schedule weddings around football games. They skip church, family events, holiday celebrations, birthday parties...because of football.  They ignore spouses, children, pets, work, responsibilities...because of football.  It's just some guys running up and down a field with a ball and smacking each other on the ass.  Why the obsession?  Why do people invest so much time and money into something that, truth be told, and the "obsessors" WILL NOT like this, has no effect on their lives AT ALL??  This is so cliche but I doubt very seriously Mr. Blue Face above will lay on his deathbed wishing he'd worn MORE blue make up.

I guess today's frustration comes from multiple calls I've received today with people who were "very angry" over missing a college basketball game Saturday night, because the newspaper's TV schedule isn't always correct.  I've gotten several earful's about how upsetting it is to miss the first game of the season and do you know what I wanted to say..."For the love of God, WHY??  Why does your life have to revolve around sweaty men and balls??"  And yes I get the pun there.   

Not to mention the preposterous amount of money that these athletes are paid.  According to USAtoday.com the average salary in 2009-2010 for the top paying franchise in the league, the New York Giants, was $2,470,622.  That means that even the players who warm benches and will never see any playing time make more money than I will ever make in my entire lifetime.  Meanwhile, there are families without homes, children starving, senior citizens without medication, and the list goes on and on, but let's keep overpaying professional athletes and let these people do without.

Now, I'm not saying that the sports themselves, have no merit.  They do. For sure.  Take it from me, when my son and daughter hit the ball for the first time in baseball or softball, I screamed like a little girl for them.  And should my son ever play football, I'll be on the sidelines for every single game.  I'll cheer.  I'll whoop.  I'll holler.  But, that is a mother cheering on her son, not the tool in blue above cheering on a bunch of men, he has likely never met.

I'm all for entertainment...but not obsession.

Grump

So I changed the pic on my page because sometimes I do really feel like the poor kid on the playground that has no one to play on the teeter-totter with, ya know?

I know that this year I have many things I want to change...getting healthy is on the top, but mentally I don't know how to get out of the gloom.  Being a single mom sucks sometimes, and feeling completely alone in that goo, sucks even more.  Especially when "dad" seems to care about so many things other than the things that mean the most to me in the world.  But, alas, it's the lot I was given so I am going to make the most of it, damn it!

And my job, I could not be any more burnt out if I was actually on fire.  I love the company I work for and the people I work with but my actual job duties are getting to be such a drag.  I want more.  I guess that's why I'm trying my ass off to finish school.  Yet another goal for the year...bring my GPA up.

I guess I'm just glum.  Sick of a lot of things...sick of being the responsible parent and not having a life of my own when the dad is out there having a life of his own and not being a parent at all.  Sick of feeling like I'm being pulled a million different directions at all times and wondering if I can handle it all.  Maybe, if I just get healthy, I'll get out of this funk...begin to love myself again and HAVE the life I deserve.

How time flies

Who knew that you have to actually keep up with a blog? :)

What the hell is 2012 going to bring?

My first blog

So my friend Eleise said that I need to blog.  She said that it's theraputic and will help me relieve stress.  So here I am....blogging...not that I even know what blogging is but apparently I'm doing it.  I guess I'm going to take some time everyday and express my feelings about this, that or the other and hope someone might be interested in reading it.  I wouldn't but that's just me. :)

So let's see...what will my first topic be????  I'd like it to be football and how I in no way understand the fascination/addiction with it, but I'd like for people to actually READ my blog so if I start there then I know many friends (Jason/Dale/Jerm, among many, many others) will never return, so I'll choose something different.  How about MEN?  Wait...nope...can't do that...please see reason above for not discussing football.  So how about parenthood??  I think most people can understand and take an interest in this topic.  So first off...does anyone else think this is possibly the hardest job EVER??  I mean, seriously!  Sometimes I feel like I'm never gonna "get it."  Like I try hard to be patient, which rarely happens, or I try to be a disciplinarian and I never know if I'm being too hard on them or too easy.  GEESH!  I get frustrated too easily (I think) and sometimes I just want a break and then I feel guilty. Really???  I have to ask the Lord daily to give me strength not completely lose my freaking mind as I try to balance work/school/kids and all that each of those things entail.  And when I drop the ball when it comes to my kids...even if it's something small...I feel completely incompetant.  Doing this alone I'm going to need medication...I can already see that. ;)

I can say however that some amazing friends came to me and offered to keep Jack and Savannah so that I don't have to quit school.  I seriously don't know what I would do without the wonderful friends I have, since my family is so limited.  I do not like to ask for help.  I like to be independent.  Anyone that knows me would know that I am not a weak woman.  But sometimes, it just "takes a village." :)

So I guess that's it...my first blog...yeah it probably sucked but you will come back again...I just know it!!!!